STORMHAVEN YOUTH RANCH

Jade. I don’t know much about her story, but what I do know is she’s been hurt to the point of emotionally shutting down, going catatonic. Once she reaches this point no amount of prompting, pushing, or pressuring will make her move. In fact to continue to push her becomes dangerous. She lashes out in an attempt to find relief. Beautiful horse, very sensitive, but guarded and distrustful. It seems past experiences have made her this way.

Sometimes I watch her out in the pasture. She is usually alone, away from the other horses. If you wait long enough she’ll haltingly make her way towards the fence wanting attention but uncertain whether you are safe. It’s as if each step she is asking,”Do you want me? Can I trust you?” A battle of fear and desire. Once she comes to the fence she’ll stay there and slowly relax with each stroke she receives. But the minute the other horses come forward she’s gone. Sometimes they chase her away. Other times she leaves before they have a chance. She returns to the farthest corner of the pasture. Watching. Guarded. In those moments I see myself in her.

Thursday I had the opportunity to ride her. It was the first time she’s been ridden in over a year. So we moved slowly. Once we got used to each other we headed towards the arena to work building back trust between horse and rider. In the beginning she was fairly responsive, not certain but compliant. As I started to ask more of her, to take more steps or turn in a specific direction she started to shut down. First her walk slowed, then an attempt to be near the other horses. Finally her bottom lip would go limp and begin to nervously quiver. If I asked her to continue she would freeze, her body becoming rigid, eyes glazed and fixed, and ears cocked back. Nothing would move her. The pressure and fear of new situations jaded by past experiences caused her to freeze. So we would wait and wait. Then try again. This would go on a step at a time or a bend of the neck and then rest. Short tries with many breaks and reassurances work with her. I realized she has to learn that not everyone is here to demand or push some are here for partnership.

A couple days later God used this horse to show me things in myself. We are soo similar. Guarded, sensitive, distrustful, quick to learn, wanting to please. I was reminded of God’s patience and love. It is amazing how he uses our past experiences, especially the painful ones to reveal truths about Himself. God waits for us to relax, to yield to His leading, to take just one step towards Him so that we might rest in His love. But how often do we dwell in self-centeredness fixated on the hurts of the past to the point we are debilitated. At times I shut down like Jade withdrawing from others, emotionally unable to move to the point even my body becomes tense. Pressure does that and I too have exploded hurting others in an effort to relieve the pain ease the pressure. But somehow all my efforts make it worse…It is only Christ who can take us beyond ourselves

. He waits for us not wanting a single one of us to perish. He waits and waits putting encouragement and blocks in our path in hopes that we would just yield, just take one step towards Him so that His love can cast out our fear. He promises in I John 4:18: “Perfect love casts out all fear.” His is the only perfect love. Others hurt us sometimes intentionally, but most often out of their own pain unaware of the damage they are causing. And so we find ourselves in desperate need of One who is Love, not as we understand it but greater, more powerful. And He is here all around waiting. But we must yield and take that first step even if our lips are quivering neurotically, our body’s tense and the fears screaming “Do you really want me? Can I really trust you?”

Working with Jade reminded me that His answer is always, “Yes, I want you. Step toward me. Yield and you will find trust.” Each step taken rattles the hold fear has in our lives and His love gives us the power to find freedom. Freedom in Him.

“The Lord gives, and He takes away, and He gives again. Life holds seasons of despair and seasons of dancing.”
This is a quote I have on my mirror. I put it up after we lost little Bree. Now God has challenged us in another season with another horse who is a beloved Stormhaven favorite.
Raya means “friend” in Hebrew. And boy, does he live up to that name. He was once ridden on trail rides by an 80yr old doctor. When I received the call from his widow who was desperate to place her horses, I heard how special this gelding was as she tearfully told me about him.
She had broken her leg and her kids were putting her in a home.
Raya is the –-always dependable–can put anyone on him—first to be chosen—probably the most used horse on the ranch. Anyone who has ridden him will agree that he loves to run, and is inspiring as he fearlessly races Chance around the arena in spite of his failing eyesight. Raya is going blind.
Now he has another obstacle. A possible fractured femur— basically, a broken leg. It could have been the horrific rainy season—a slip to avoid a kick—we don’t know—God knows. But the prognosis is hard. Most owners would say he is useless and put him down.
But we are a ranch of the broken.
There is a line in the movie, “Seabiscuit” where the trainer says, “You don’t throw away somebody just cause they’re banged up a little bit.” The entire movie is based upon that simple statement. As three broken men restore a broken horse, they are healed themselves.
So there is our decision. We sat down with Lexy, who has poured countless hours into training and loving Raya and the two have a relationship that will take your breath away. Her reaction was stunning.
“That’s ok—he doesn’t have to be put down.” She is willing to put in the countless hours again to nurse him back to health—whatever that will look like—maybe even on three legs—and sacrifice ever riding him again—
Lexy will tell you that she is a life that was broken and that God has restored her. She knows exactly how to love her broken horse and to accept his new role. Life is teaching us all to roll with the punches and go on through our brokenness.
So whatever Raya’s future holds, he will be loved. And think of all the children who need to come help him heal! God knows what He is doing.
Ps 34:17-20
“The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken!”

Ok. I am not a tree hugger.
But I’m fighting back tears as they take down my ancient –old maple out front. It is 14 ft 10 in. around the trunk. That’s old. It’s still healthy, but electric lines take priority.
I think it’s the memories. It was hard when my little birds left my nest. But I raised them to leave. Do the trees all have to leave too? We bought this house (which according to our realtor, needed to be torn down), about twenty years ago because the land was special. God’s presence and peace was here. Six boys needed space. And in the words of Josh, our then 7yr old, it had “good climbin’ trees!” Those were the days God gave me the name Stormhaven. Many storms have passed through this old homestead but the house has stood firm. Built by a Civil War colonel in the 1880’s, the house had several trees that saw countless children. One tree on the side had several ropes and chains imbedded in its huge branches, probably swings at one time. Three years ago a tornado rocked our night and took several of the old beauties, including the treehouse tree that Levi caught on fire once. Bottlerockets. His punishment was to stand there with the hose on it for hours to ensure it was out. My dad had helped build that treehouse for the boys. He had begun it and Mike had finished it. Precious times. Another loss was the hackberry that once housed a huge raccoon, who slept on a branch leaning back against the trunk like a human. And then there was the double maple that rained baby snakes down on me as I laid in the hammock underneath it Stumps now litter our yard where God grew our family. Stormhaven has changed over the years and now little boys from the ranch play on the stubby skeletons with tobacco sticks as swords.
The phone call I was dreading came today. –I knew I had to give up another old friend. But when God takes away, He always gives us something better in return. As I agonized over saying, “Yes, you may cut it down,” the electric man asked if they could replace it with 3 more trees of our choice and plant them for us. My mind instantly was at peace. We had been praying for 3 evergreens to put in as a visual block behind the porta potty, but didn’t have the money for it. Amazing, huh? Our God always has our best in mind and always has a plan and always meets our needs and always knows our heartache even when it’s over a silly old tree. Well, it wasn’t silly to me. It was my old friend who shaded my house and welcomed me when I checked the mail, and made the crazy drivers have to slow down as they took the curve, and well, …it was faithful.
And, yes, I might just go out and give it a hug goodbye right in front of all the workers.
“For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.” Ps 57:10
And sometimes He uses huge old trees to give us a visual.
P.S. The supervisor just told me that we can have all the free mulch we want delivered and he will figure out a way to help us get the woods cleared , removing the locusts, walnuts and cherries. Wow. God really does return things doubled. Job 42: 10-13

The mom had contacted me back during the winter—her daughter was dealing with serious anger issues and had many bad experiences to work through. When the 12 year old filled out the paperwork at my kitchen table, she wrote, “a lot of abusive dads.”
They came from 3 hours away. They were here for the weekend. Our regular teen group meets at noon on Saturdays, and as the weather this day was crazy, we spent most of the time inside. As we did our devotion, I prayed that God would meet us where we needed it , in spite of the cold and rain outside. The exercise was about the masks we hide behind and the depth to which all the girls were willing to jump was surprising. As I asked for one word descriptions of their masks, I gazed from face to face as they shared their pain.
The new mom and her daughter were no exception. It was beautiful to watch the Spirit of God speak gently and begin His surgery into the crevices in which we escape.
The next day, I took mom and daughter out into the quiet spring sunshine that God so graciously gave us. The storm and cold had left. I randomly chose safe horses. As I watched the girl bond quickly with one mare, I introduced the mom to another. She stood and brushed the mare as I explained, without thinking, that this horse had basically shut down and become numb. A previous owner had rescued her from an abusive past. Her spirit appeared broken. The horse had no desire to have any relationship with people and her heart had become hard. As the woman’s tears began to flow, I realized the connection God was making, and in awe, I stepped away. God once again met with a wounded spirit through an angel in horsehair who had experienced the same pain in life. As the mom’s fingers stroked the mare’s hair, God spoke the words of healing that only He can speak—“I understand. I’ve been there too.”
It’s not just the children who are coming wounded. This mom was desperately bringing her hurting daughter to Jesus—while, all along, she was needing to feel His touch too.
Oh, Lord, I stand in awe. Only You are able to do this. Only You have the ultimate healing for our hearts. Please take these two to your healing pool where Your touch can meet with them every day.
John 5:1-9

Erin Rommann February 25 at 8:20am Report

One of my Horse Angel Lessons, thought I’d share it with you.

Yesterday the rain was coming down and the horses were all huddled together. Abraham was eating hay off by himself and I realized we are a lot alike. We want others close but not too close. Gotta “stay safe” Lord, I have soo many lessons to learn! It’s funny how it takes watching a horse standing in the rain by himself to finally see something! Even though I’m not working with Abraham much I know there’s something special there and I keep hearing you whisper, “Just show up.” It’s not about doing or performing, it’s simply being and waiting.” We both have walls with trusting others, yet absolutely love being around them. What a contradiction!! lol! So we play a game with each other, almost testing to see who will hold out the longest. Who will give up first and confirm the lie that they’re just in it to get something out of it. Realizing this, I’m seeing how much we play this came with You. Yet, you patiently wait for us, slowly sometimes quickly breaking a way the lies we’ve tried to protect ourselves.

For the time being I’m working with Tex, who ironically enough needs patience too, but it’s different. He just needs someone to love on him and I need a safe place. So where teaching each other patience and trust. I’m finding a little more tenderness, grace, and joy creep into my guarded little heart and it’s good. scary, but good.

When the time is right Abraham and I are going to be something. He’s special but I know I’ve got some lessons to learn before I can really appreciate him. When it’s right you better watch out world!

For now I’m falling love with an old horse that acts like he’s tired and worn out, but has soo much to give. We had a moment last week and that was a blessing. He lit up and I felt safe with him. No pressure and no expectations. And guess what the funny things was all I had to do was show up. Kinda like, that’s all God is asking us to do. Just show up. It’s not about doing but being.

This truths He’s reminding me of and little by little, my hardened heart is softening and beginning to understand their depth.

By grace you have been saved, not by anything you have done, but it is a free gift.

my grace is sufficient for thee, my power perfected in weakness.

Perfect love casts out all fear.

I make ALL things beautiful in its time.

Someone told me yesterday that I was laid back. (!?!!) This morning I was awakened by a whimper. Ellie, our dog, was in my bedroom, wanting me to wake up and come downstairs to keep her company. As I threw back the cozy covers and tossed my legs over the side, I felt wet paws and hair beside me on my freshly washed-just put on last night- sheets. When I looked down, there were muddy footprints all along the side of the mattress. It was raining. She never comes upstairs. But this morning, instead of obediently settling at her place in front of the fire when Mike left for work, she decided I needed to get up. Now, I’ve been battling strep and hoped to sleep in a little, but Ellie had other ideas. I came downstairs with my dog.
The weird part was, it didn’t bother me—at all. Not a moment of frustration. Now wait a minute. I’m the extreme type A personality who threw a hissy fit when my boys tracked in with their muddy boots…. I’m older now and I finally learned that it doesn’t matter. 6 boys later (God knew what He was doing) it’s finally sunken in. I really don’t care about the mud. And believe me—with all the horses—it’s not just mud!
I’m wearing my underwear a little looser these days because there’s a lot of the mud-plus coming into this house. It’s a veritable public facility. But it took God to open my eyes to the fact that what DOES matter, is these children and these muddy dogs. I guess you could say He rearranged my priorities. So here’s an apology to my boys who knew me in my tight underwear days and a thank you to them for tracking in the mud. And a thank you to my God who cares enough to teach me and is patient enough to put up with me and all MY mud-plus.
“Then He poured water into the washbasin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the servant’s towel with which He was girded.” John 13:5

My dad figures things out. I was talking to him the other day and a subject would come up and he would explain, in his opinion, what is going on. My mom would interrupt and say, “Your dad has a theory.” Then another discussion would ensue about life and she would say again, “Your dad has another theory.” Then he mentioned his ever frustrating hair situation.
He said he is getting balder and balder on top and the hair is getting finer. But his eyebrows are getting bushier and bushier, with the individual hairs thickening and going wild. Some of them get a couple of inches long.
Ok, dad. I have a theory.
Stop wearing hats!
I’ve been an avid gardener for quite a while now, and my plants are always changing direction to follow the sun. I suggest, in my expert opinion, that your hair is just “seeking the sun” and growing out from in front of your head since you have smothered it on top for so many years. (It’s also starting to come out his ears). Actually, my husband has had this theory for years and in his fear of going bald, rarely wears a hat.
Theories are great. It means we are thinking. We don’t like not knowing so we are always trying to figure out the answers. But here is a quote from a book that has no theories, only Truth:
“Are not two little sparrows sold for a penny? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father’s consent. But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not then; you are of more value than many sparrows.” —-you can keep reading….. Matt 10: 29-31…. 

Out of the mouths of babes.
Our grandchildren are our second chance. Not another chance to get it right this time…. But to hear the wisdom that pours so sweetly from their little lips. — Those snippets that we may have missed the first time around because we were so busy pursuing our careers—living our lives—building an empire— that we missed them.
So God is giving us another chance to hear it.
“You can use my toothbrush, PopPop.” How to have a heart of giving without sweating the details
“I didn’t want to go over the big bumps.” Do any of us?
“Why are they cutting down that tree? That’s God’s tree.” God’s ownership is so simple and accepted to a little 5 yr old. Why do we have so much trouble with it?
Think about the heart that was required to see things this way. Pure. Honest. Real.
And not afraid of judgment! How many more things would we admit if we weren’t afraid someone would think we were dumb or weak or humsn?
Go out and find a child today. If you’re too far away from yours or don’t have any, just go find one! And then have a discussion about life. I’ll guarantee you will hear the heart of God in there somewhere and you will be blessed. But you’re going to have to listen. And take notes, cause the Truths they speak can change your life if you will let them. If you still can’t find any little ones, come to the ranch sometime and walk a horse around for one of them.
Jesus prayed,” O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike.” Matthew 11:25

“Step by step you’ll lead me and I will follow you all of my days,” is a line in a Rich Mullins song I love. I can feel the patient, steady rhythm of God’s steps in that line, and I think of it every time I watch a clip of a horse and his partner in unison. On the ground together they step slightly forward, then slightly back, then quickly ahead into a trot, stop, walk , into a canter, stopping and lifting legs completely in unison. Sounds impossible for the everyday horse person, yet that is the program Stormhaven is using. It is amazing. It is totally impossible without love, respect, language, and time together. Relationship.
Sure, the horse could just follow behind in obedience, but this clip reminds the volunteers here that it is much more than that. There is no lead rope, and the human is at the horse’s shoulder. He wants to dance with her.
Their relationship is so beautiful to watch. She has communicated in the horse’s language, using touch and body language as another horse would. The horse trusts her, as she has proven herself trustworthy.
None of this is possible, either, without her waiting for him to surrender his heart to her, developing the relationship, patiently, over time, getting to know one another. And when the moment came that she had his focus, she knew it and then they could begin the dance.
A dance all horse people ache for , a 12oo lb. partner in unison with you—a picture of the deep desire we all have for a God of immeasureable size and power—dancing with us. But he has to be the leader, and we must be the horse. He came as a babe, then died on a tree, rising to set us free—just to dance with us. Step by step.
“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:23-24

It’s been 3 yrs at the ranch and 20 since I’ve had my own horse and I haven’t allowed myself to fall in love with one here. As I studied a DVD yesterday and watched the relationship between Linda Parelli and her horse, Remmer, the tears began to run down my cheeks. I had known that relationship before. Princess was my BFF when I was a kid. So why haven’t I allowed myself to choose a horse for me when the ranch opened? I’ve hardly ever been in on the training sessions personally with a horse on Training Tuesdays. I have been supervising and overseeing the volunteers.
Ok. I have a special place in my heart for Gracie, who could have come from the same mold as Princess, and I adore Chance, with whom I bonded on a gruelling trail ride, and Echo is safe for me and dependable, and of course Abraham is a doll, and then there was Bree……
Later in the afternoon, as I weighed and prayed, God revealed the answers to me. I have been holding back because this is not my ranch. These are not my horses. The children come first. I’ve been afraid to take “ownership” of any of it, because not only does everything belong to the public, but God could end it at any moment. oooooo. “afraid”?
ok-deeper—-Yes, I’ve been genuinely laying down the horses @Jesus’ feet every time I’m tempted to pick them up for myself, but I am also not trusting God in this.
I am also “afraid” of the pain of loss. If I were to fall in love with a horse, and develop her as my partner, and the ranch ended tomorrow, I’d lose her. Twice I’ve moved across the country unable to take the mare of my heart with me. I don’t want to feel that ripping pain again. I know well the pain of living far away from my kids and grandkids and it hurts. A horse would be another potential ache.
Wow, is that selfish.
God calls us to love.
Even if it will hurt one day. How many times do we hold back because we’ve been hurt and we’re in our selfish self-protection mode?
And then my amazing husband says something profound as I’m pouring out my heart to him about this at the kitchen table last night.

“Well, get over it.”

Ok.
Then he writes on a piece of paper,
“You are part of the Plan.”

God’s Plan.
If I don’t stay a step ahead of my volunteers and train a horse in Parelli for myself, how can I possibly teach people about a relationship with a horse? And how it teaches us about the relationship God desires to have with us?

SO………….today I am allowing myself to fall head-over-heels in love with Nestle.
She is me.
We are so alike. When we went to the thoroughbred farm to pick her up, I related to her arthritis, her broodmare background(she had 9; I had 6), her quiet nature…
When we were comparing ourselves with the ranch horses one day, the girls said Nestle was like me because she was “patient” and “bony”.
I’m not sure if I liked that, but they meant well.
Like me, Nestle had a little trouble finding her identity after her children left. Like me, she has bad habits–she cribs; I chew my cheeks. I guess we’ve both been kind of couped up over the years.

So here goes.

“Love never loses hope. Love always perseveres and can outlast anything. Love never fails nor comes to an end.” (God’s love in us, that is.) 1 Cor 13:7-8a